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| I liked spaghetti :) |
My story is I’m sure not too different from some other peoples but this one is mine. When I was little I was a tiny little girl. I was always this petite little toe head blonde girl who had a little booty. I never worried about what I ate and at that age, who really does? I’m pretty sure I was an active little girl; I never stopped talking so I’m sure my body never stopped moving either. These early years are not the problem to which led to my “story”.
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| Hawaii |
Where the story really starts is around middle school. Let’s back up a little; I competitively danced from ages 6-18. Throughout middle school I knew that I didn’t look like the other girls. Although I wasn’t really fat, I was just bigger than them, they were twigs. I am not built to be a twig. Even though I was different it wasn’t really brought up all that often. I was dancing a million times a week and never noticed it. I would notice little things like when someone would make a comment, or you know the boys I had a crush on always liked someone else.
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| Headshot '02 |
Then we transition into high school (don't mind the silly picture, headshot for movie work I did as an extra). At this point in my life I’m practicing dance 3-4 hours a day almost 5 days a week. I feel as if I’m in shape, however standing next to others I’m dancing with I know that that isn’t true. Something that is possibly detrimental to me is the fact that I am one of the most outgoing optimistic people you’ll ever meet. Although this is a good thing, it can be hurtful in the fact that you don’t really see yourself in a negative way which can lead to you gaining more. Along with this optimism I also have a confidence typically, and even though I have down moments about myself most people don’t see that. Well people here and there would make stupid comments and/or make fun of me. But it all came to a head around junior year. There was this boy who I had the BIGGEST crush on, he and I had talked a couple times (this was during the time of chatting online via AIM). So to me I’m thinking, ok cool we’re chatting maybe he likes me etc… Well no he didn’t. The one comment that has stuck with me for the rest of my life since is, ‘Your face is really hot, but you’re kinda fat.” That is when I realized that wow apparently I am a lot bigger than all the girls if he had to come out and say it. However, did this change the way I ate, no. I continued dancing 24/7 until the year after I graduated high school.
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| Prom, right before graduation, 2004 |
This leads to where it gets worse. I graduated high school in June 2004. During this time and the year after I had stopped dancing (competition team only allowed you to dance up to age 18), I got into a relationship that wasn’t the best for me, and I didn’t change my eating habits. Going from dancing all the time to zero activity was a really bad idea. I definitely believe this contributed the most to my weight gain. I continued to eat how I had always eaten. When you’re dancing that often you need more food to fuel your body, but when you stop it should have been drastically cut in half. Well it wasn’t. I also was in a relationship that was not the best for me. Although at the time I thought it was the best ever, I do know now that it wasn’t the healthiest thing, and not just that but I packed on the pounds you do sometimes when you get in a relationship. Since then I’ve had my ups and downs with relationships, and my weight just seemed to keep creeping north. (In this picture, I now think I look skinny, although not super skinny, I dig the sway of my back and miss that! But this was right before graduating high school, before it got worse.)
I now am 25 years old, a full time student at Cal State Fullerton studying Business, unemployed and single. Although this is not by choice it is something I am embracing for the time being because currently my focus is me. Now is the time, not later, to make sure that I am able to enjoy life to the fullest and really harness all my potential. A few weeks ago I got a wild fire lit in my behind, not sure where it came from, but it made me want to change. I am no longer going to let the number on the scale be so large, I am going to make sure that I am healthy, and do not die before my time just because I’m overweight. This is me...
I encourage you to share your story with me:
LoseTheCushion@gmail.com
